Got my mojo back

So maybe last Thursday's session was an out-of-practice funk. Tuesday and tonight's were marginally better. I think Tuesday's session was the best so far because I really, really let loose and enjoyed myself. It could have something to do with the bridging practices I've been implementing. Will talk about the book it's from later.

I even made new acquaintances! Instead of staying put in my shell of awkwardness and self-loathing, I crept out and interacted with the ladies. I still have that messed up envy/longing thing going on but I think it's all just because I haven't seen gorgeous costumes in a long while. I'll get over it soon.

Because my sights aren't set upon merely performing in a group for hafla night. Or even in a restaurant for one night a week. Nuh-uh. I'm thinking big time baby. International stage and all the works. So I am not blonde nor Russian, doesn't matter. I will get there. Somehow.

Just need the right attitude, lots of practice and the right connections.

Anyway, thought I'd review my progress. I'm learning musicality and expression in the classes but my individual movements need a lot of work. For that, I'm planning on drilling with the DVDs once a week. About all I can manage with my schedule and hours. Drilling isn't much fun but I notice they do work well. I'm not so fond of using the term "muscle memory" but there's something to it I suppose.

Well here's to many more excellent lessons. And even when I don't do so well, I hope I'm able to rest my Identity System and just be in the present and enjoy what's here. Will really talk about that book soon. It's life-changing, honest!

Inspiration: Soheir Zaki

How Do I Get Out Of This?

I am at this moment wallowing in self-pity and self-revulsion. Might as well throw in horror into the mix too as I've come to realise today that even dancing my favourite style has caused distress and no joy. Absolutely no joy. Just deep disappointment with myself and embarrassment.

It wasn't anything special. Merely started going to class again after a long hiatus. My last lesson was Taly's workshop, yes that long ago. Perhaps I was rusty. Perhaps my heart just simply wasn't in it. I think pride and ego had something to do with it too. There were all these great dancers in the class and I was simply not doing too well. I kept missing steps, not feeling the music and worst of all, I looked like shit.

I couldn't smile without looking like a loon. I couldn't free-style without feeling self-conscious. I just felt awkward and so out of place.

I wish it weren't like this honestly. It started out well. I had a chat with my dear teacher, Shiblie, before class officially began. I told her I missed it all and had to come back. But maybe I left for far too long and just fell off the wayside.

Just great. I'm in a rut when it comes to life, I'm in a rut when it comes to dance. Only problem is there's no pill to take for that is there?